


Who adopted whom again?

by XtaticPearl



Series: The Parker-Stark-Rhodes-Hogan-Potts-Danvers Family [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dad!Tony, Fluff, Gen, May Rules All, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Found Family, Protective Happy, Protective Rhodey, Smol Son!Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:50:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XtaticPearl/pseuds/XtaticPearl
Summary: Families are dysfunctional. But found families are a bit crazier.





	

“Okay, you _gotta_  tell your kid to stop drinking my shakes,” Rhodey said with an accusing look at Tony and placed a half empty bottle on the glass table.

Tony blinked in confusion before looking up at Rhodey.

“What” he said succinctly and Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“Peter. Parker. Spiderman,” Rhodey emphasized with a hand wave, “Seriously, next time he steals my shakes, I’m gonna replace all his snacks with granola bars.”

With that remark Rhodey walked away in a huff, leaving a dumbstruck Tony staring at him.

“My kid?” he asked to the open space and stared down at his tablet before shaking his head to continue.

“Boss! I swear, keep your kid off the roads during traffic hour!” Happy grunted as he put the car into drive and took off from the office, “It’s hell waiting for girders to be lifted off the street to cross.”

“Not my kid,” Tony muttered without looking up from his phone where he squinted at Peter’s message about better texture of his suit pants, “Huh, the itching. Should have thought of that. I could get Friday to synthesize the polymer of the …”

“Iron girders,” Happy huffed under his breath and tuned out Tony’s rambling about better suits for a certain crime fighting swinging spider.

It escalated from crime fighting and couch crashing to late night visits leading to Rhodey and Tony blearily working over some stupid assignments of high school chemistry as Peter went off to nab some thug off a bank robbery. Rhodey threw a pen at Tony’s head when he once commented that Rhodey wasn’t using the right lingo for the assignment and Peter observed that Tony’s face was balanced now with another black eye-looking bruise, even though it was just ink.

“Oh no no no,” Tony stared in thinly veiled disgust at the package on the bed, “There is _no_  way those sheets are going on any bed of mine.”

“It’s clearly not _your_  bed,” Peter huffed as he stood beside Tony with his hands on his hips, eyeing the Captain America sheets cheekily, “C’mon, it’s cool!”

“It’s horrendous!” Tony said with an accusing gesture at the packet, “Nobody uses these sheets unless they want to be losers!”

“Yeaahh,” Rhodey dragged the word slyly with a raised eyebrow, “You never had Captain America sheets yourself, sure.”

“That’s- what - that’s not the point!” Tony exclaimed but Peter simply patted his shoulder.

“It’s over, _Mom_ , let it go,” he said and Tony made a strangled sound before leaving in a huff.

“Mood swings,” Peter said solemnly and Rhodey snorted before throwing a pillow at his face.

“May, this is completely unacceptable!”

May Parker frowned and glanced at her phone before placing it back near her ear.

“Uh, Tony? What’s wrong?” 

“Did you know that Peter hates Neopolitan?” Tony demanded and may paused in filling her bag with groceries.

“Yes?”

“That’s unacceptable!” Tony stated again, sounding supremely offended, “It’s against the law!”

“What law?” May asked, “Where are you guys?”

“He’s fine, he’s trashing the TV with Vision,” Tony said dismissively even as May’s eyebrows rose, “That’s not the point. The point is that no kid of mine should hate Neopolitan. It’s unnatural.”

May opened her mouth and closed it before clearing her throat.

“Tony?”

“Yes?”

“You do know that he’s not your real kid, right?”

“…I’m gonna go trick him into eating the ice cream. Bye hotshot!”

May stared at her phone for an entire minute before getting back to her groceries with a grumble of ‘supergenius kids and hovering mentors’.

Things got serious though, when Peter went up against Vulture and landed in the hospital for the first time since Tony had met him.

“I should have been faster,” Tony muttered into his palms, “I should have caught him.”

“You were busy bringing Vulture down,” Rhodey said for the umpteenth time, sharing a look with Happy over Tony’s shoulder, “You did the best you could.”

“The best isn’t enough!” Tony snarled, still cradling his head in his hands. It was only May’s hurried arrival that got Tony out of his seat and then he spent the entire time hovering around her till she pushed him into a seat and told him to stay put.

“He’s okay,” The doctor told after a few hours and smiled genially at the group gathered outside the room, “Family members can see him now.”

Tony started to go in with may and then stilled, awkwardly stuffing his hands into his pockets and taking a step back.

“Right. Sorry,” he said with a tight, fake smile and was about to move away when May caught his arm and told him firmly.

“I did not let that kid lie to me about ‘sciencing’ with you for days and accept that he would come back after dinner from the Compound for you to back away now,” she said and Tony’s eyes snapped up to meet hers, “You’re coming in with me. Understood?”

Tony looked at the calm looking woman for a minute before giving her a tired but real small smile.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go,” he nodded and May released his hand before pushing the door open.

“Well,” Happy slapped his thighs and got up from his seat, “guess we should go and restock the fridge.”

“Yeah,” Rhodey agreed with a small smirk before scowling at Happy, “But I’m sharpie-ing my stuff. Kid’s still stealing my shakes.”

“Aww, you love him,” Happy teased and yelped when Rhodey pushed him back into his chair.

**Author's Note:**

> This train will not stop! Feedback please <3


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